cigsandbeer | IC INBOX

[There's a slight delay before the door opens: Hakkai will hear some muffled swearing and rummaging. Gojyo locked himself in and hid the key-- only when Hakkai knocks does he remember he needs to retrieve said key from its hiding place.

But eventually the door opens. Gojyo looks... well. As you'd expect.]

Hey.

Hello, Gojyo.

[Hakkai's smile isn't one of his better efforts. He's carefully neat, although there are a few signs of the flood he hasn't managed to clean up yet: a bit of reddened skin where the attacks from Kujen in Shen Wei's body had scorched him around the shield, a couple of pink healed-over claw marks on his cheek that haven't yet faded.

He hesitates, then-- a bit awkward and stilted, but sincere-- makes sure to bump his shoulder against Gojyo's in greeting as he steps in.

How do you say, I'm sorry for killing your stepmother before she could pose a danger to others?]

[The claw marks, faded or not, of course don't go unnoticed. The thing to do would be to bump his shoulder back in response, but Gojyo... doesn't. If asked, he wouldn't be able to articulate why he doesn't.

Instead, he heads into the kitchen.]

I'm putting on coffee. Want that, or tea?

Coffee is fine.

[Hakkai follows him, settling down after a brief hesitation in one of the chairs at the kitchen table. He's not normally a coffee drinker. It could be the dark smudges under his eyes, giveaway that he hasn't slept much over the last week, that are making him say yes to coffee. If Gojyo questioned it, that's the explanation Hakkai would choose.

But, if he were being honest, he doesn't want to ask for extra effort when Gojyo-- hadn't wanted to lean into him back.]

["Coffee is fine", says the tea-drinker. Gojyo doesn't question it, at least not out loud. He spends a few silent minutes getting the coffee machine going, before bringing one cup of black coffee each to the table before sitting down opposite Hakkai.

...]

Are the always like this? The floods.

Some of them aren't so bad. My first one, when I came here... made everything smell like incense and auras appear around everyone that gave away their emotions.

The worst anyone got out of that was a little embarrassment, and possibly sneezing.

But... some of them are bad. Visitors are usually bad.

[He wraps his hands around the coffee cup as Gojyo offers it, murmuring a thank you and looking down at the surface of the steaming liquid as if it's a great mystery.]

[The coffee is is very fascinating to look at right now, it's true.]

Some guy suggested there might be a flood where everyone turns into hot women.

[That would've been a lot nicer.]

I think that was wishful thinking.

[He picks up the coffee, trying a small sip. Well, it's coffee.]

This is the second time that people from our lives have come here for a flood since I've been here. But generally, they don't repeat.

[Gojyo's own sip - more like a gulp - is much more appreciate of the lifesaver that coffee is.

Right, and yet Kanan said she'd been here before. But then again...]

Am I crazy, or do some people remember exactly what happened while their... person was here, and others don't? [Not that he's gone over the recent network posts in detail, but he's skimmed enough to notice a variety.]

That's right. I don't know what determines it.

I remember, but it's cloudy. Some people [Jedao] remember everything crystal-clear, and some people just feel as if they blacked out when their visitor was here.

[He grimaces, very faintly, and takes another, larger sip of the coffee.]

[Hakkai must at least know who he was switching with, if he knew to leave her instructions. Not to mention the "I'll be all right" earlier.]

Guess the silver lining [to Hakkai vaguely remembering] is I got out of that closet one day earlier. Even if it probably would've been nicer [for Hakkai] the blackout.

[The rope-burns are still there, although significantly faded.]

Not remembering doesn't make it any easier.

[His gaze slips to the marks on Gojyo's wrists. There's a flicker in his gaze, something dark and complicated; he keeps it off his face.]

Anyway... I'd have made sure someone would check, if I didn't know who I was switching with.

I didn't want her to hurt anyone. But I also don't want to leave you tied up in a closet for days alone.

[Since they're talking about it.]

[Yeah, that's considerate of Hakkai, and Gojyo gets that he couldn't let her just wander around, but... fuck, why does that sets his jaw on edge, "I didn't want her to hurt anyone"?

He finishes his coffee, rubs his face with one hand.

Hakkai didn't want Gojyo to be hurt. Didn't want her to hurt anyone. Yeah, there's one person missing there.]

...Wanna tell me why you decided it was necessary to kill her?

Edited 2024-06-23 19:13 (UTC)

[Because she was calling Gojyo evil and terrible, when she should've cared for him as his mother. Because she'd tried to rip Hakkai's limiters off.

He looks down at his hands, white-knuckled around the coffee cup.]

Would it have been any kinder to knock her out and leave her in a closet, tied up and screaming?

She would've calmed down eventually! She wasn't... it's not like she was always like that.

Obviously she was upset right after coming here. [And seeing Gojyo's face all over the communicator.]

I did try to calm her down first.

[It seemed as if everything he'd said had only worked her up. He falls briefly silent again. Then, because if two and a half years on the Barge have taught him anything, they've taught him that sometimes he ought to be honest, he adds very quietly:]

Although I wasn't willing to agree with her about you.

[Frankly, he'd much rather break her neck than that.]

Fucking hell, Hakkai, I wasn't asking you to agree with her! Just...

She wasn't a fighter. You could've so easily overpowered her without--

[It's the second time she's had to die because of him. The second time someone's had to kill her because of him.]

I know.

[It's been preying on his mind. But--]

But what would I have done with her after that?

[He gets up-- not to quit the conversation; he just needs to channel his anger into something physical.]

How should I know? Maybe putting her somewhere she'd have the slightest chance of calming down--

D'you realise how scared she would've been if she'd been the one to wake up in that closet?

Edited 2024-06-23 22:20 (UTC)

Yes.

[He really, really hadn't cared.

Well, he had left Kanan careful instructions about not getting within reach of any possible attack if she were the one to wake up in the closet, but beyond that-- no.]

["I didn't realise" or "I wasn't thinking" would have been one thing, but a blatant, immediate "yes"...]

She didn't need that! Getting dragged here with no explanation, all alone and because of me...! Was it that fucking hard to show her even a tiny ounce of kindness!?

[He'll likely realise, later, that killing her was the most humane thing to do. Right now... well.]

[Quietly]

You didn't bring her here, Gojyo. It was this ship that pulled her from her rest, not you.

You're not responsible for anything that happened to her here because of her choices.

I did try to explain.

[She'd attacked him for telling her that her older son wasn't on board. Beyond drugging and restraining her... after a moment, he looks away.]

What would you rather I do?

--I don't know! You could've left her on a bed instead of on a cold closet floor!

[After a moment, Gojyo drops back onto his chair and buries his face in one hand. Takes a deep breath.

If the breath sounds somewhat ragged and suspiciously like a sob, that's a trick of the light.]

[Slightly more gently:] ...Fuck, I should be apologising for you having to kill her.

[Instead of being angry. Things Gojyo and Dokugakuji have in common: unreasonable beliefs of their responsibilities towards their mother.]

Edited 2024-06-27 17:02 (UTC)

It would have been very hard for her to hurt herself struggling in the closet.

[It's empty, after all. And it's small: she couldn't fall, she couldn't get tangled in anything. The worst she could have done is kick and bruise herself.]

On a bed, even if I'd tied her hands, she could've fallen or tangled herself in the blankets, and if I wasn't there....

[He had been thinking about her, in part. Just not about her emotional comfort. He looks away, voice dropping to a quieter level.]

Gojyo. You don't have to apologize to me for anything that she did or anything that I did.

[Neither his mother's choices nor Hakkai's are Gojyo's fault.]

...Yeah, well.

[Sure, Gojyo isn't responsible for Hakkai's or his mom's choices, and it was the Admiral who brought her here, but Gojyo was the one who agreed to come to the Barge, and the Admiral would never have brought her here if Gojyo wasn't present (at least if he's understanding the recent flood correctly). So it's still because of him, no matter what Hakkai says.]

Couldn't you at least have left her a pillow? A blanket?

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