cigsandbeer | IC INBOX

"This is the spot." It is beautiful, in its otherworldly way. Like a watercolor of the Heavens, if it were only lotus instead of waterlilies.

Hakkai reaches down to trail a hand in the golden waves beneath their boat's hull, their glow shining through flesh and bone as though he were an empty glass to fill with light. As the light shines through him, he glances up at Gojyo. In the light of dawn, the shadow of another man can be seen beside him, hair a tumble of wild curls casually tied back into a ponytail, a wide easy grin on his face and a pair of orange coveralls belted around his waist over a gray T-shirt. Hakkai's leaning back against him, all trust and easy comfort, although the image is -- transparent, fading.

Gojyo stares - for the first moments more because of the weirdness of the magic water than what it's actually showing - and has to think for an additional second or two before the dots connect. What they were talking about on the Narrenschiff while high out of their minds is... a little hazy.

"That Eiffel?"

Hakkai startles: he's not easy to fluster, but on certain very specific subjects he does get flustered, and the tips of his ears are turning a betraying scarlet.

"...I --" He turns to look at the image; seeing Eiffel's face, grinning the way he used to, strikes him with a pang that goes too deep for him to maintain his embarrassment, and he takes a breath. "Ah. Yes, that's Eiffel."

He glances back towards Gojyo. "You never met him while he was here, did you?"

Gojyo runs his hand through his hair, also a little flustered in response to Hakkai's fluster.

"Eh, he responded to my first Network post, I think? Some stupid shit about how I was trying too hard to sound like I'm not into guys or-- or whatever."

He immediately regrets saying that: it's not like it's awkward enough that Hakkai has apparently gone and acquired several male lovers (especially when Gojyo never imagined him ever getting over Kanan). Um...

"--I mean, it's whatever if you guys were... like that. He left, huh?"

"Well, he would know," Hakkai murmured. It had taken half a year of flirting and running away for Eiffel to work up the courage to get anywhere with Jedao, and Hakkai had taken months after that--

And it's easier to comment on that than it is to say anything about He left, huh. That wound still bleeds if it's touched. But he'd brought Gojyo all the way out here: he'd been prepared for honesty, and he can't help feeling he owes honesty, even if he bleeds a little for it.

He exhales, straightening his back and avoiding looking at Eiffel's ghostly presence at his side. "He left," he agrees. "When his inmate graduated. It wasn't really a surprise, just-- sudden. I think you would have liked him."

He's trying to sound light and easy about it, with middling success; he very much doesn't want to say any of the things he could say. Like I wish he'd wanted to keep me, or even worse, he reminded me so much of you.

Gojyo, on his ends, bites back a what's THAT supposed to mean? because that sure seemed to imply something about Gojyo's own straightness-- But, well, not the time for that. That Eiffel guy was obviously just projecting.

Gojyo knows Hakkai too well to buy the 'light and easy', but there's not really a point in calling Hakkai out on it. Hakkai's love life on the stupid ship isn't... it isn't something Gojyo is all that eager to make a deep-dive into. Not that it's particularly necessary, anyway: of course it hurts to have an important person leave; that doesn't need spelling out. Hakkai's stupid husband probably provides plenty emotional support already, and has been well before Gojyo got here. His input is hardly needed.

"...Well. Your taste in people is what it is, I guess."

An attempt at brevity was made?

When it comes to Eiffel, Hakkai's been the one providing Jedao with emotional support, more than vice versa. Jedao... had liked him a lot, after all. It had hit him harder.

He huffs out a tiny breath, eyeing Gojyo for a long moment before he gives in to the perfect opening Gojyo's left for him.

"...He reminded me a lot of you," he says at last. "But he-- couldn't fight and didn't want to. So he never really understood that part of me."

[ooc: ...so obviously that was supposed to be "levity".]

Gojyo repressed the urge to protest being compared to Hakkai's male lovers, what the fuck--

"That cliché about 'nobody's perfect' is still around for a reason, I guess."

Gojyo thought he and Hakkai understood each other through-and-through, but the Barge has... definitely proven that to be not entirely accurate.

Hakkai shakes his head after a moment, briskly, and doesn't look at the ghost still glowing beside him. It's not really Eiffel, just the memory of what he'd meant.

"You're uncomfortable. You don't have to--"

A small movement of the hand that isn't cradling the precious cupful of light: Hakkai's not sure what he means by the gesture, but if he'd known how to put it into words, he wouldn't have needed to use a gesture. So perhaps Gojyo will understand, anyway.

As much as he does feel the ways in which they're out of step at times, he does still believe they can understand each other.

"You should get some of the light before the sun's up," he adds, taking refuge in practicality.

"...Yeah, well. That's my issue to deal with, ain't it?"

Gojyo is slowly coming to terms with the fact that every single person on this weirdo ship is totally fine with guys being into guys, and that thinking that is even the slight bit weird is... what's weird. Whatever. He grunts in agreement in Hakkai's suggestion, though, and reaches to scoop a cupful of water.

The light shows Gojyo. Gojyo, alone, in the back of the picture. And then there's Hakkai, alongside his husband, and his lover, and his inmate, and his friends... you get the picture.

Hakkai isn't intending to look, exactly. But the movement, as the image appears, catches his eye. The content arrests his gaze.

Well, that does make sense of just why Gojyo had reacted the way he had to Hakkai trying to invite him to stay. If he feels-- alone, an afterthought--

After a frozen moment, Hakkai says softly, "You are still my best friend."

Wow, suddenly it takes so much concentrated effort to light this cigarette; all Gojyo's attention must be directed towards it. Without looking at Hakkai:

"...I know that."

Intellectually, he does. It's just that his stupid feelings and abandonment issues keep getting in the way.

Hakkai isn't good at reassurance. Not when the problem isn't knowing something, but feeling it. He can be logical; he can be direct; he can lie as fast as he can talk, if he has to. But he doesn't know how to comfort.

Knowing this about himself, after a moment of awkward silence, he shifts to press his knee firmly against Gojyo's.

"I actually miss cleaning cigarette ash off the furniture sometimes." A pause, and then, firmly: "This is not an invitation to smoke inside."

Gojyo, also knowing this about Hakkai, understands and appreciates the gesture for what it is. And so, as much as it is a deliberate effort rather than being genuinely assured, he smiles, lightly pressing his knee against Hakkai's in return.

"Yeah? Too late; now I'm definitely gonna leave ash all over your cabin."

Edited 2025-04-24 15:19 (UTC)

"We do have ashtrays," Hakkai says, in his best tone of familiar complaint. "But... you should visit for dinner."

If it's not too uncomfortable for you, he doesn't say. Jedao can live with occasional visits, and Hakkai really does want to spend more time with Gojyo. But he'll restrain himself to sitting together at lunch or spending time in the gym, if Gojyo doesn't really want to be in their home.

"Fine, fine. If you make yakisoba or pizza I'll come." Gojyo has super-refined tastes as always.

Hakkai's stupid husband doesn't scare him! They'll just glare at each other through the entire dinner.

"I can do that," Hakkai says, with a quick flash of a smile. They probably will glare at each other the whole time; Hakkai might have to warn Jedao in advance that being on his best behavior would probably annoy Gojyo more, so there's no point in putting in the effort there.

Well, things will work out someday. He hopes.

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