cigsandbeer | IC INBOX

During the few minutes Hakkai is away preparing tea, Gojyo finishes another cigarette without asking if it's okay to smoke instead of getting up and walking out. And while his hearing is good, it's thankfully not good enough to catch the words of such a quiet whisper.

Really, shouldn't Hakkai focus on putting his stupid husband to bed? But then, Jedao seems it much better spirits now...

"Um. Look, I..."

.........

................

This cup of tea is so fascinating.

Hakkai hands Jedao the second cup and settles back deep into the couch with his own, hands wrapped around the warmth of the teacup and legs crossed primly above the knee.

Mostly to his tea, he confesses, "More than anything, I don't want to lose you as a friend. Or to make you feel as if you have to do anything about my feelings to keep my friendship."

He pauses for a moment to reconsider before adding, more briskly, "Although it would be nice not to be surprised by finding out you're dating someone. But I don't--

"What do you want, Gojyo?"

That's what he doesn't understand. His cards are on the table; it's Gojyo's turn to show his hand.

A little green leaf-shaped ash tray scoots through the air onto the low table after the first few puffs, while Jedao stares at Gojyo, trying to parse his lack of reaction, not quite realizing he's overshot in his efforts not to let Hakkai hear until Hakkai is already on his way back in.

When Hakkai sits down between them, Jedao drinks all his tea in one long gulp so that Hakkai won't have to fret about him having liquids, then drapes bonelessly against his back, one arm slung loosely around his waist. A solid, warm presence to hopefully help him be brave, but also gently nudging him in a suggestion to maybe face Gojyo.

Edited 2025-10-04 15:04 (UTC)

"I ain't dating anyone", Gojyo mutters, as if he and Armand aren't going on regular dates. Er, that's besides the point. He tries to power through how mortifying it is that Jedao is right there listening to all this. The most mortifying parts are already past them, really.

"It's not like I don't--" Like he doesn't love Hakkai.

It's horrendously unfair that Jedao is the only one drunk right now.

"I've... I've been assuming for years now that if we survive the journey, we'd be stuck with each other for the rest of our lives."

Maybe they wouldn't always be living together if Hakkai found a wife, but... still.

"Obviously things have changed, but I don't wanna... make a mess of things. You're not just some chick."

Not a one-night stand that Gojyo can just forget about if things turn sour.

"You and I..." Hakkai dares to dart a glance Gojyo's way, out of the corner of his eye, but still doesn't turn to look at him completely.

"We've messed things up before, but we've made up, too. It's not so easy to scare me away if I know you don't want me to go."

He takes a breath, and adds, in a smaller voice, "I still want to be stuck with you for the rest of my life."

He doesn't know if that's still what Gojyo wants - they still haven't really talked out the details, of Hakkai and Jedao leaving their world behind, and whether Gojyo would be willing to come - but....

"That's what - that's what I meant. When I asked you to come with us, back then."

Speaking of messing things up.

"I know."

He knows all of that. That Hakkai wants him in his life, that he doesn't quit easily, what he meant when he asked Gojyo to come with them, that they've messed things up in the past but managed to bounce back...

"It's just... you know me. I don't mix sex, and-- you know."

Actual genuine feelings. And whatever he is feeling for Hakkai, those feelings are genuine. Sure, the reason he doesn't mix those things is because it's scary to do so, but well.

Hakkai takes a deep breath and tilts his head back to look up at the ceiling, avoiding both Jedao's gaze and Gojyo's.

"I care for you," he says, plainly. "Very much. I don't need that to mean sex, or romance, or - anything you don't want from me. But I do want to know you care about me too, and I want you in my life as long as we live. Anything else is - is extra."

Jedao's been pushing for him to want the extra, and he's felt that Gojyo was telling him he couldn't have what he did want, but--

But really, that's all. That would be enough.

"Fuck it, Hakkai", Gojyo says, burying his head in his hands. "You're the most important person in my life, bar none."

That... that doesn't mean that the idea of loosening up those lines of "sex" versus "feelings" isn't still very scary.

That's exactly what Hakkai said he wanted: his nod is small and careful, as he interrogates his own feelings.

"It's probably stupid to ask," he says, at last, even more to his teacup than previously. "But... it doesn't bother you, does it? That I feel the way I do?"

"No", Gojyo answers a little too quickly to be entirely truthful, eager not to start a fight.

...

"--It's a bit weird", he amends after a few moments.

"But that's 'cause I don't... like change."

"I know," Hakkai admits, turning just a little to look at Gojyo directly for the first time; a little smile touches his lips. "But I don't - it doesn't have to make things different. Just... if you want, you would be welcome. Always, for me."

Gojyo too risks looking Hakkai in the eye for a moment.

He's used to people leaving him. But Hakkai chose to go after him all those years ago when he brought the umbrella, and he hasn't left since. He has a husband now, and he's leaving their world, and he still doesn't want to leave Gojyo. Even if he wants more than Gojyo would give, he's still not leaving him.

He's proven enough times by now that he intends to stay that Gojyo really should let himself believe him, shouldn't he?

"...Okay."

No 'let me think about it', no 'maybe someday', no 'let me get used to the idea first'. He'll trust that Hakkai really means what he says, even if Gojyo's answer is 'no'.

"Okay," Hakkai agrees, slumping back against Jedao's comforting weight at his back, and looks down at his teacup.

Rather mournfully, he remarks, "It doesn't seem fair that you're the only one who's been drinking tonight, Jedao-shei."

Tea is very calming but some hard conversations do actually call for alcohol. Especially now that they've been accomplished without anyone misunderstanding, shouting, or walking out.

"Such are the rewards of foresight," Jedao says loftily. "Shall I fetch y'all one bottle or two?"

"Please," Gojyo immediately says. He feels like a wrung-out rag that's sprinted a marathon-- okay, that simile makes no sense. But that's what it feels like, and all they've done is sit one the couch and talk.

"Two, please," Hakkai says firmly. Their couch isn't small but fitting three people on it means they'd have to actually try if they wanted to avoid each other's personal space, and Hakkai is accepting that excuse to not avoid Gojyo's. He might be leaning on Jedao, but he's leaving his knee where it is, casually resting against Gojyo's leg.

Jedao gives him a little squeeze and kisses the nape of Hakkai's neck before sliding off the couch. He could float some alcohol in, of course, and maintain the pretense of being too drunk to walk, but they've been very brave, and he wants to give them a moment of feeling unobserved, even if Hakkai, at least, knows Jedao can check the room cameras. He gives Gojyo's shoulder a little tentative pat on his way past, a small affectionate-acknowledgement gesture.

"Thanks for coming to get me," he says, warm as it is soft, even though he didn't need it, because Gojyo came because he cared. Then he's gone through the doorway into the study to get them something nice from his stash.

"I just didn't have anything better to do with my evening", Gojyo protests half-heartedly with no real defensiveness in his tone.

As Jedao disappears into the kitchen Gojyo sighs deeply, like he really did run a marathon, and finally relaxes somewhat into the couch. After a moment, he does press his own leg just a little into Hakkai's. It is rather cramped, after all.

Hakkai hums agreement as he lets himself relax bonelessly back into the couch.

"Well, I've spent worse evenings," he remarks, with a quirk of a smile. The bar for Hakkai's worst evening is very low, and Gojyo was there, so he knows - but this, even if it was difficult.... It's not so bad.

If Gojyo's letting himself press his leg back against Hakkai's, well, Hakkai's not being careful about whether flopping back into the cushions means leaning against Gojyo's shoulder or not, either. He lifts his teacup and downs the rest of the tepid tea in a single gulp, leaving it empty for liquor.

After a moment, he raises his voice to call, "Jeep? You can come sit with us."

Jeep chirps loudly from the corner of the room where his bed is nestled on a bookshelf, and where - Hakkai suspects - he's been watching to see if any of his people need an off-road vehicle dropped on their heads to make them stop being stupid. A rustle of leathery wings, and the little dragon comes soaring in towards the back of the couch.

Right, the stupid tea. Gojyo didn't even so much as touch it while it was still hot. But since sacrifices must be made for the sake of alcohol, he likewise tosses his tea back in two quick gulps and makes a face over it. Well, ot could be worse: it could be cold coffee.

"Hey," he greets Jeep, and doesn't even feel bad that he didn't think to wonder where the little dragon was. Jeep can take care of himself.

"It's bad manners to eaves-drop."

"Well, he won't tell anyone," Hakkai says. "Will you, Jeep?"

With another chirp, Jeep eels forward to settle half on Hakkai's shoulder, tiny claws pricking through the fabric of his dress shirt, and half on Gojyo's. His tail is definitely in Gojyo's face.

Hakkai politely doesn't laugh about it out loud.

Is this the first time Jeep's tail has been in Gojyo's face? Probably not.

"Uff", he grumbles, but only brushes the tail off his face without further comment. But, well, he guesses their shoulders will just have to continue touching now or it'd disturb Jeep's chosen resting spot.

Hakkai does let himself chuckle at that, settling in more securely and reaching a hand up to stroke Jeep's mane.

"How did the breach treat you?" he inquires, while they're waiting on the alcohol. An easier subject seems like a good idea just now. "I was a teacher. And a spymaster, though I think I liked the teaching better...."

"Oh man, it was so ridiculous. I was a student, and a secret spy."

Uh--

"And me and my team kept fighting Jedao's team."

Gojyo doesn't know if Jedao can hear them all the way to the kitchen, but he specifically chooses to frame it as Jedao's gang, just in case. Guns don't need beds indeed.

"Oh no," Hakkai says, but he keeps his voice lighthearted - yes, that kind of conflict might well explain why Jedao had been upset enough to hide in the engine room and get very drunk. Although he'd bet there were more angles to it than just that one.

"I recall that the students would keep fighting each other after hours. With proper deniability, of course, as long as they were professionals and not just moonlighting like some of our dignitaries' children..."

The amateurs had been so much more of a headache.

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